Does not Envy

Love does not envy, yet I have always struggled with envy inwardly. The form of Christianity that I have lived out most of my life made it shameful to be incomplete or immature. To be holy was to hide my flaws by putting on a perfect performance. It was to present my righteous acts as though they were the whole of me. Of course, the Bible says that all of our righteous works are like filthy rags in God's sight.

"But you have not so learned Christ, if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught by Him, as the truth is in Jesus: that you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness." - Ephesians 4:20-24 (NKJV)

In our age of intellectualism, we have studied the Bible with a microscope until we have lost the heart of what was being communicated. Ephesians 4 instructs us to put off fleshly acts, to renew our mind, and to put on godliness. Paul follows this with a list of things that the reader needs to put off. It is too easy for us to extract verses and to depersonalize them. Paul was addressing stuff that was actually happening in the Ephesian church. The first three chapters of his letter deal with our identity in Christ. It is those truths that we must renew our minds with. Paul exposed the sin, and he did so in the light of our identity in Christ.

"Therefore you are inexcusable, O man, whoever you are who judge, for in whatever you judge another you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things. But we know that the judgment of God is according to truth against those who practice such things. And do you think this, O man, you who judge those practicing such things, and doing the same, that you will escape the judgment of God?" - Romans 2:1-3 (NKJV)

I am slowly learning that God is not ashamed of my weaknesses and flaws. It is the introduction to intimacy when I come into the light of his truth. His light exposes both the flaws and reveals his love for me. As painful as it is to admit my sins and shortcomings, it frees me from a greater bondage: self-righteousness. If I am honest about my struggles before God, it makes it harder for me to ascend a throne of judgement, a throne that positions me higher than my brother and my sister. Instead, I can sit with them in their struggles, not because I can fix them but because I can love them in their weakness.

"You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy, at Your right hand there are pleasures forevermore." - Psalm 16:11 (AMP)

Love does not envy, and though it is my struggle for today, God's process will lead me to a more complete intimacy with Jesus and with other believers. It is an ultimate revenge against sin when the very thing that caused me to hide from God in shame becomes the thing that leads to intimacy with God. By confronting a sense of inner lack, I begin to enter into the presence of the only One who can deeply satisfy me.